Kako sam pobedila sebe

Autor hyperblogger | 27 Feb, 2011

    Uspon na Rtanj 2011.

    Od kako znam za sebe sa prozora moje sobe posmatram Rtanj. Tajanstvena planina, i sigurno ste čuli ili će vam jednom pričati o vanzemaljcima, čudnim svetlosnim kuglama, magli koja se ponaša kao da je živo biće, čarobnjaku čiji je to nekada bio dvor, piramidama...magnetnoj anomaliji koja kompas čini neupotrebljivim, avionskom koridoru koji je svojevremeno zbog čudnih stvari zatvoren...

    Ako vam i ne pričaju o tome, sigurno će vam neko bar pomenuti rtanjski čaj - srpsku vijagru, lek koji pored onih, khm, muških problema leči sve ostalo...

    Ja ću vam pričati o nečemu drugom... 

    Elem, vrh mi je uvek delovao nedostižan - nemoguća misija, bar kada se govori o osvajanju sa severne strane, koja je izazov, zbog strmina, oštrih stena, provalija... svega onog što čini standardnu noćnu moru svakog sa strahom od visine i lošom kondicijom...

    Društvo me je pozvalo da osvojimo planinu... mislim, zvali su oni mene i ranije, ali od kako su stigli rezultati sa holtera koji "potvrđuju da mi je srce dobro, da je sve to od stresa, u glavi..."

    Razmislila sam... i rešila da pokušam...ne samo da osvojim vrh, to je onako, uzgred - da pobedim sebe, to je već nešto.

    Uspon na Rtanj 2011.

    Suvišno je reći da smo se čekajući zvanično otvaranje početka uspona proveli zezajući se. Smejala sam se. Da li zbog straha što ću se suočiti sa nečim većim od sebe, ili zbog sreće što konačno radim nešto što sam tako dugo želela...Ne znam ni sama, tek smejala sam se kao luda...

    Razume se sasvim da sam pre vrha morala da se opremim - Rtanjskim čajem :) za svaki slučaj, ko zna od čega sve čuva... a ako ništa, bar ću imati čime da se lečim ako se prehladim.

    Uspon na Rtanj 2011.

    A kako uopšte i odoleti heklanoj torbici punoj čaja, ukrašenoj ručnim radom ;) i divnim ciklama Durexom - valjda za slučaj da dejstvo čaja bude fatalno :)

    Vreme da se pođe ka početnim položajima za početak uspona, pogled ka Timočkoj Kapiji - koliko uteši, toliko i zaplaši - opominje na susret sa nečim u odnosu na šta je čovek mali, njegove snage nedovoljne ... strah. Osećam ga, znam.. smešno... ipak tako je... Naravno da ne priznajem - ja se ničega ne bojim, osim sebe same... sebi prizanajem. Sebi samo priznanje i dugujem.

    Kojom stranom? Severnom, odgovaramo moja ekipa i ja... Vodič posmatra njih, pa mene... Vama je ovo prvi put? Jeste li sigurni? ( iz pogleda se vidi jasno da misli da nema šanse da mogu, ali ne bi da me uvredi - nije to moja paranoja, tako je bilo ) .

    Da, sigurna sam... izlazim, krećem...jurim, da dokažem da mogu... drugima. Ispred mene reka ljudi...

    Penju se, ćaskaju... Neki planinari govore: Mah, spremam se za Elbrus, došao sam do Rtnja da protegnem malo noge i vidim raju.  

    Elbrus?  Zaboga... šta ću ja ovde? Savest mi govori: eto, eto, ti tvrdoglava. Jednom će ti ta tvoja tvrdoglavost doći glave... gudure, vrtače.. možda baš sad, i neka ti, kad ne umeš da priznaš... 

    I šta reći svojoj savesti? Kuš.... šta drugo, šta me sad još i ona nervira?

    Prvih pola sata - sasvim opušteno, nimalo naporno, kružimo, levo, desno... čini  se u krug, a onda, sasvim drsko i nenajavljeno, počinje uspon... bez kraja...

    Posmatram ljude - nisu zadihani... a ja? Kipim od znoja... dođavola... Osećam da vučem noge, umesto da koračam... osećam umor, koji ne mogu da opišem. Kako li je tek na 1500 metara?

    Prilazi mi jedan planinar.... Sad će i ovaj verovatno da me obeshrabri nečim - mislim ja.

    Izvinite, posmatram vas već neko vreme, i da li mogu da vam kažem nešto, nemojte zameriti?

    Da, naravno, recite ( u sebi: sad će da mi održi govor o kilaži i o tome kako me jedno 30 kg manje ne bi ubilo ) uz osmeh, onaj uvežbani šalterski, šta ćeš, deformacija....

    Skinite taj prsluk, ako ga ne skinete, nećete se nikada ni popeti, znojićete se previše, pašće vam pritisak i izgubiteće svest - rekao je to onako profi, nasmejano. Ako zatreba pomoć, samo recite.

    Posramila sam se sebe same, skinula prsluk, i kao preporođena nastavila dalje. 

    A onda, izazov. Uspon uz stenu... :S ja ovo ne mogu, gledam provaliju sa moje desne strane, naravno, strah je čini pet puta većom nego što jeste... stenu takođe. Starija gospođa... dobro, khm, :) baka od dobrih 60 i kusur prolazi pored mene i penje se ko od šale... Šta? Kad ona može, mogu i ja.... i popela sam se, opet posramljena...

    I nešto računam ja po glavi - sad će negde vrh, sigurno... kad ono - nečiji glas... uh dobro je, već smo na pola puta! Već? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    Šta se bre dere ova? Kao da je čuo moj unutrašnji vrisak... :)

    I tako smo nastavili da se penjemo. Uključila sam muziku, stavila slušalice...  na mahove slala poruke ekipi koja se delom nalazila isped, delom iza mene. Svi su dobro, svi su na broju.Guraj dalje!

    Ne, nije ni ovo vrh.. Ima još... još samo "malo"...

    Još samo par koraka.... :S a ja se već, pozdravljam sa dušom, na svaki par sekundi premirem od straha - zbog visine, neću valjda sada posustati.... sada, na kraju :S

    Uspela sam... stajala sam u neverici, posmatrajući vrh, ljude oko sebe... Oduševljena, srce je tuklo, od ponosa, radosti, straha, neverice... Uspela sam! 

    Čovek koji me je fotografisao vraća mi aparat - Čestitam, nisam verovao da ćete se popeti, iskreno, mislili smo da ćete odustati još na samom početku - i pokazuje rukom ka svojim drugarima koji nasmejano mašu... Okreću se i odlaze, u neke nove pobede.

    Iznad mene je bilo samo nebo - ispod mene, kao na tanjiru cela Srbija....

    Okrećem se i polazim, spuštam se užurbano... preostalo je samo još jedno - da dodirnem oblak, svi planinari kažu da je to trenutak kada se osetiš kao ptica, slobodan...

    Eno mog oblaka - moram da ga dodirnem!

    Postala sam ptica... 

    Oblaci su počeli preteći da se navlače, zbilja na vrhu Rtnja se u razmaku od dva sata izmenjaju najmanje 2 godišnja doba... Počinje sneg, pa ledena kiša, pa pljusak... Staze se pretvaraju u blatnjavu noćnu moru... ni štap više ne pomaže, grabim grane, sve što može da pomogne da se spustim... osmeh uprkos svemu ne silazi sa lica... 

    Tri sata kasnije, mokra do gole kože, blatnjavija od mangulice - osećam se tako živa.

    Navukla sam nešto suvih krpica iz ranca - našminkala se, tek da ne plašim ljude... i ovekovečila trenutak kada sam pobedila sebe, planinu, druge... 

    Hvala onima koji su me na tom putu podržali! :) Ili nisu... i tako opet doprineli mojoj pobedi.

     


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121 Komentari & 0 Trekbekovi od "Kako sam pobedila sebe"

    Bozanstveno.Kao da sam i sama bila.
    Divno iskustvo,volela bih i ja jednom tvojim stopama.
    Svet je tvoj mala ;)

    Autor unajedina 27 Feb 2011, 12:36

    Trebala si jedan oblacic za mene da uhvatis :) verujem da si osetila potpuno slobodu radeci sve ovo. nema niceg lepseg od svoje sopstvene slobode? drago mi je zbog tebe, sto si osetila pravi raj, i naravno zbog oblacica :) :*

    Autor katy 27 Feb 2011, 12:37

    unajedina, :) drago mi je da sam uspela da dočaram osećaj lepote i slobode. ja čekam narednu priliku, ko zna, možda noćni uspon na Rtanj, da vidim to čuveno fantomsko sunce :) sa delte Dunava.

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 12:46

    Katy, obećavam da ću ti naredni put upakovati jedan, samo za tebe. :*

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 12:47

    Opet uzdah.

    Autor tuzna 27 Feb 2011, 13:13

    И тако човек осети да ништа није немогуће! И да се све може решити, ако доста воље има.
    А ти си јака жена!
    Тако си добро ово описала, да сам осетила све.
    Само напред, живот је пред тобом!
    Љубим.

    Autor behappy 27 Feb 2011, 13:14

    tuzna, ljubim ja tebe, a uzdah, privezacu za ovaj moj oblacic, da odnese tugu... negde daleko, i pretvori ga u kisu i najlepsu ikad vidjenu dugu.

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 13:21

    behappy, o jaka jesam, kad hocu da budem. a kada resim da ne budem i uvucem se u misju rupu... uuu, kako je to strasno. :* drago mi je da si osetila moju pricu.

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 13:23

    Znaš...pozavideo sam ti dok sam čitao i uživao u fotkama...a oblaci su me najviše oduševili...
    Jednom ću i ja... :)
    Pozdrav!

    Autor leopard 27 Feb 2011, 13:43

    Blago tebi, ti si išla sa severne, mi smo zbog klinaca morali sa južne strane :( No,bilo je lepo, sem kiše i blata, ali dobro, i to se preživi.
    Sećam se svog prvog uspona, Tornik u januaru, oko 1460m, u dnu vrha prolece, na polovini zima i sneg, a na vrhu led. Prevelike kamašne i štapovi za penjanje. A grupu predvodi trenutno najstariji član kluba. Ja u prvoj grupi i pored lošeg srčanog stanja. I nemoj nikad slušati druge koji misle da su pametni zbog svog iskustva. Svaki čovek je posebna jedinka.
    Šteta što se ne videsmo...

    Autor biljana 27 Feb 2011, 13:50

    leoparde, :) ja sam se zaljubila u oblake. sad, ne bih da zvucim senzacionalisticki, ali tog dana sam shvatila zasto alpinisti postaju alpinisti, i zasto ptice pevaju kad lete. ozbiljno. ko zna, mozda se i sretnemo:)

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 13:58

    biljo, da znas da je i meni zao sto se tog dana nismo sreli. kad si mi rekla da si bila, toliko mi je krivo bilo ... ali neka, bice prilike. meni je jos midzor nekako na srcu :) a mozda i stol za prvi maj :)

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 14:00

    Svaka cast!poljubac

    Autor tanjana 27 Feb 2011, 16:56

    :)))

    uzivala sam citajuci i huktala penjuci se sa tobom:)))

    najteze je izboriti se sa sobom! ali tu snagu imaju samo oni pravi:)

    bravo za tebe:)))

    i... m u z i k a

    Autor persefona 27 Feb 2011, 17:48

    rtanj misticna planina i kad vidim negov vrh kada je lep dan znam cuci sam jer ja vidim samo deo piramide jer nisa bas blizu rtnja

    Autor stakler 27 Feb 2011, 18:12

    tanjana :) :* hvala :)

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 18:30

    @persefona, :) ti si moj omiljeni di dzej

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 18:31

    stakler :) onda znas o cemu ti pricam. :)

    Autor hyperblogger 27 Feb 2011, 18:32

    @ hyperblogger

    :)))

    volem:) jer... sta je zivot bez muzike - bilo koje... muzike pogleda, muzike dodira, muzike reci....

    muzika... to smo svi mi:)))

    ljubim

    Autor persefona 27 Feb 2011, 18:41

    @ hyperblogger

    :)))

    volem:) jer... sta je zivot bez muzike - bilo koje... muzike pogleda, muzike dodira, muzike reci....

    muzika... to smo svi mi:)))

    ljubim

    Autor persefona 27 Feb 2011, 18:41

    Uh, podsetila si me na jedno moje davnašnje planinarenje. Duša mi je bila u nosu. Premoćili smo, mogla sam da dotaknem zvezde.
    Tada zaboraviš na sve muke i strahove. Svet je pred tobom!

    Autor Mira kuglof 27 Feb 2011, 19:34

    brawo hyper brawo! dodirni jedan oblak i za mene, sledeci put

    Autor tale 28 Feb 2011, 12:21

    Miro :) najpre moram reci da si mi oni kuglofi totalno poremetili koncept dijete :) pa da ti pozelim i dobrodoslicu na moj blog.
    :* veliki pozdrav

    Autor hyperblogger 02 Mar 2011, 08:29

    talence :) ako treba i dva :) :*

    Autor hyperblogger 02 Mar 2011, 08:30

    Hvala za ovo:) nisam imala pojma kako je Rtanj lep, a obozavam rtanjski caj :))) i bravo za tebe :)))) nadam se da ce ti planinarenje preci ako ne u naviku, makar u tradiciju jednom u par meseci ;))) super su fotke:)

    Autor AnaGram 02 Mar 2011, 09:10

    anagram :) pocastvovana sam cinjenicom da ti se dopalo :)

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